Day 13 – Give Yourself Permission to Be Angry

Day 13 – Give Yourself Permission to Be Angry

Sunday morning around 2:45 am I found myself sleepless, reading stories about Larry Nassar, and mad as hell.  If you haven’t heard of him, please allow my friend Stephanie to give you a summary.  Steph co-hosts a show on Wildfire Radio called Yelling About Sports.  She is a spitfire of a human being and a force of nature.  Now, if cursing and talk of murdering someone is a problem for you, then you may want to skip it.  If not, then tune in.  It was the catalyst for our game.    https://player.fm/series/broad-street-hockey-radio-1281865/yelling-about-sports-with-bill-and-steph-usa-gymnastics-is-a-disgrace

After hearing my dear friend go ape shit over something that sickened her so much I just couldn’t sleep.  Instead, I listened to victim impact statement after victim impact statement being read at the sentencing of a monster, and was made sick myself.  It was necessary.  The fact that I didn’t know the extent of that situation was just not okay with me.  Our game blissfully had me living inside a bubble, and it popped that night.  Don’t worry, my fantasy bubbles pop all the time.  I have learned to blow them right back up!

But first, I am going to allow myself to be angry.  I’m going to feel the fury inside me and get good and mad about it.  Why?  Because I can.  I have learned that anger has been my greatest teacher.  It let me know when situations were not okay with me.  It gave me courage to make changes when I lacked strength, and was a loud booming voice when I felt like backing down.  Hearing the anger and passion in Steph’s words reminded me about the power of getting really pissed off!

I didn’t have to stay up half the night.  I could have listened, checked the story out online and went to bed.  The problem was something got triggered for me, and I was hot!  See, I too am part of the “me too” club.  Some Larry Nassar-like asshole initiated me one night when I was eleven years old.  It changed me.  I was no longer a child.  I was aware of things I had never been before that moment.  It couldn’t be undone, and as I listened to their stories, I knew full well the moment these brave young women kept describing.  The moment when innocence left.  When I get present to that moment it makes me furious.  I want to go back and fight for the little girl I was and protect her.

Therein lies the creation of this game.  Give Yourself Permission to Be Angry.  See, I have dealt with all aspects of that night.  I have forgiven myself and the person responsible.  I don’t allow myself to carry it with me.  I don’t linger there, or harbor anger.  That is my way of coping, and gaining my freedom.  But, in the early hours of Sunday morning I needed to give myself permission to go there once more.  Go ahead little girl.  Give him hell.   The anger flooded out of me with fury!  Steph helped show me how to do it. She was really good at it.

Our game takes place in real life.  If it was all sunshine and roses it wouldn’t be authentic.  Life gave us an opportunity to dig deep and I am grateful I had the courage to step into it.  I hope you do too.  Do you need permission, like me, or are you fighting mad by nature?  Either way, I implore you to get really angry about something!  Stand up for yourself, or for someone!  Let your disapproval be known about a situation!  Say as many curse words as you need to about an injustice done to you!  And if you can, expel a little fury for these 150 women.  Things like this should never be allowed to happen.

Sometimes anger feels good.  Too good.  I want to remind you it’s just for today.  We can’t stay here.  If so, we run the risk of becoming part of the very thing that we were angry about in the first place.  Feel anger and let it go.  More fantasy bubbles tomorrow.  I promise.

9 Replies to “Day 13 – Give Yourself Permission to Be Angry”

  1. I love you so much, and am so honored to have a tiny part in your 30 days of creation ❤️❤️❤️

  2. Yup.😆 me too. I was 7 and didn’t understand about being in the wrong place at the wrong time…sigh.😢

    It wasn’t until I was much older I learned that people stronger than me didn’t have to honor my “no” if they chose not to. I was always told “be nice”; that was my training. It wasn’t until I saw a poster in a police station that read, “Stop the abuse, tell someone.” I never forgot it and I began to take it on. The beginning of taking a stand for myself and taking a stand for others.

    It wasn’t until recent years that I allowed myself to space for the rage and Injustice to pour out, before the #metoo even began. Now on the topic comes up I speak my peace and my truth about it and let it go. 💜

  3. Chrissy, thank you for being here and taking this on. I’m sorry to hear your story, but so happy to know you empowered yourself in spite of it. Very inspiring! Thank you for sharing. 💕

  4. I love this! I defitinetly play this game. If I find myself staying there, then I find a way to get out. But sometimes it’s needed to be played so that you can deal with it and get it out. Loving your 30 days! And love you!